Poppy at 18 months

P1040811Poppy is 18 months old tomorrow and it has been a while since my last Poppy update! Plus it gives me the opportunity to share some recent photo’s that the family might not have seen already.

Personal, Social and Emotional
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This is such a lovely age as their little personalities really start to show and Poppy is becoming a very sociable little girl. Everywhere we go she waves at people and announces that she is leaving with a big “Bye bye!” to anyone who is listening. When we see friends she loves holding their hands and giving big cuddles, although often she takes them by surprise and knocks them over. We are learning boundaries slowly when it comes to emotions and the dog in particular is not enjoying this lesson. She is figuring out what to do with those big emotions, whether it is anger, excitement or just exhaustion, and it usually involves grabbing Oscar or hitting Mummy and Daddy in the face. I lose track of the amount of times I play name the feeling during one day…”I see you are sad” or “I hear you are feeling angry”. But it is quite sweet that the only one she can actually say herself is “Happy” and she repeats it over and over again in a chirpy voice (might have something to do with family sing along’s to Pharell Williams).
IMG_0906Poppy loves caring for her teddies and dolly; getting them dressed, holding their hands and asking them “Walk?” or “Park?” She especially likes getting them into outdoor clothes (hats, gloves, shoes and wellies of course!) because she just loves being outside so much! It is a little bit heartbreaking when she stands at the door with her teddy all ready to go in the buggy, her own wellies and hat on and I have to tell her we are not going out right now. She doesn’t like that one little bit!

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It is lovely to see her own independence grow as she tries out the role of grown up when playing with her toys. She copies our tone of voice and expression as she ‘reads’ them stories, takes them to the potty and feeds them dinner. And at the same time she is getting to know herself and her capabilities and growing in confidence as she plays at being all grown up. In fact, since she has had her own toy buggy to play with she has actually refused to go in her own buggy at all.

We try to offer her as many opportunities as possible to practise this independence and the way her little face looks when she does something for herself, it is so worth the extra five minutes we have to wait patiently! She tries putting her knickers and trousers on and is slowly getting the hang of it, she blows her nose (not very effectively mind you!), wipes herself after going for a wee (!), she gives Oscar his breakfast and dinner, pours her own drinks, helps me with the washing, carries her little rucksack everywhere she goes and when I am cooking the tea she pushes a chair from the dining room and examines the veggies, naming them and washing them before adding them to the pan and doing lots of mixing. Afterwards she takes a wooden spoon and finds something she can use as a bowl and sits pretending to cook. I could watch her for hours!
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It is also so nice to finally feel that she doesn’t need my constant attention. Suddenly she is playing on her own, even if just for 5 minutes, it gives me a welcome break. The other day I told her I was tired and reading my book, and she happily stopped shouting at me and went off on her own for a while until she decided I had rested long enough.

Physical

This girl has no fear when it comes to physical challenges! We have been trying a few new parks out recently and she always heads for the big kids stuff! I always want to let her try but sometimes I have had to say no (I am laid back and child led but I really don’t want any broken bones just yet!) The other day she wanted to go down a pretty big slide but I was on my own and, probably irrationally, worried that if I helped her to the top and didn’t run around to the bottom in time she might just fall over the edge of the slide. So the next day we all went together, with a parent either end! She absolutely loved it and made me realise that she would have been fine in the first place. I took photo’s because I thought she looked so tiny next to that big slide! I can’t wait to take her to a theme park when she gets older! Maybe she will turn out to be a right adrenalin junkie.

I also love seeing how she works things out so quickly, and after a twenty minute trip to the park has found a new way of doing something that she couldn’t do before. In a soft play centre the other day I was helping her up these big inflatable steps that were too far apart for her to reach with her little legs. Then I was busy chatting when she wanted to go up and next thing she had done it without me. She figured out her own unique way of doing it and then perfected it until she was flying up! I just love their patience and determination! We could learn a thing or two from kids, that’s for sure!

Sometimes trusting their physical capabilities and respecting their need for independence leaves you open to criticism, or at least disapproving looks, from people who assume you are just irresponsible. It happens to us all the time at the park, but yesterday it was in Waitrose when Poppy was unstacking and restacking the shelves. At first it was just soup tins, but then she found the glass jam jars and I thought this woman was going to have an actual heart attack there and then. She grimaced as she told Poppy not to drop it and then waited for me to rush in and take it off of her. When I told her it was fine, she carries glass all the time at home, I was met with a very amusing expression. A part of me was worried that Poppy would in fact drop it and prove the lady right, but thankfully she carried it back to where it came from perfectly as if in a trance, before looking up and smiling at the lady who was still grimacing (I think maybe the wind changed).

Language and communication

I wrote down all of the words that Poppy can say clearly and I was surprised that it was almost 70 words! I wish I had recorded them earlier because now her baby book has a section for first words, under which I put ‘Hiya’ and ‘Go’ and then words at 18 months with too many to fit in! I knew she was learning new words quickly but didn’t expect it to be that many. And she is gradually starting to put a couple of words together, like “Bye duckies!” and “Down Oscar!” and “Daddy work”.
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She is also loving her songs at the moment. I started singing Tiny Tim the Turtle and she did all the signs just before I had said the next line, so she knows what comes next. She now does this with a few songs, and says a couple of the simple lines herself, like “Bubble, bubble, bubble, pop!” and “Pull, pull, pull” in wind the bobbin up, and “Hop, hop, hop” in sleeping bunnies and, of course, “Happy, happy, happy, happy” in Pharell’s hit! If I ask her if she wants to sing she thinks, saying “Ummmmm” and then offers her suggestion through actions! Or else I suggest something and she definitively says “No!” and chooses something else. I can’t wait to get her dancing at the festivals this summer!

Sensitive periods

Some other things I have noticed lately have really interested me because they are things I learnt about during my Montessori training. Montessori believed children go through ‘sensitive periods’ where they are particularly focused upon certain areas, and during this time they develop certain skills better than any other time, learning easily and at an intense rate. For example during a child’s sensitive period to movement the child easily learns how to crawl or walk. At Poppy’s age children are going through the sensitive periods to language and movement, which are self-explanatory and obvious to see, but more mysterious are their sensitive periods to order and small things. Poppy has just entered the sensitive period to order and she has completely reaffirmed my faith in Montessori’s work! Before we get out something new Poppy often holds up what she is playing with and says, “Way!” as in, away, and proceeds to go and put it where it came from. The superior sensitivity is seen when we take whatever it is and put it where it doesn’t belong, only for Poppy to protest until it has been put back in the right place! So can children really be naturally inclined to put everything back in the right place, tidy up their toys, not leave your living room in a mess? Surely not! But it is true, children of this age have an urge for everything to put in it’s rightful place, to organise their mind and establish internal order from the external order. It is important to keep their environment tidy to enable them to do this, but we must also consider their routine, consistency and ground rules. The dreaded terrible two’s are often due to some sort of disorder or change in routine.
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The sensitive period to small things is just lovely to see, and I am sure every parent has experienced those baffling moments when their child comes up to them with the teeniest piece of fluff in their hand to give to them, or points something out in a book that you failed to ever notice. Children can become completely fixated on tiny objects as they figure out that all of these little things make up the world, before they can understand the bigger picture. It is like they are deconstructing the information before putting it back together. Of course they are also developing their fine motor skills and hand eye coordination. I often notice it when I put Poppy in her high chair for lunch and instead of eating the big bowl of yumminess in front of her she picks a microscopic crumb that has been left from breakfast and examines it before eating that instead! She also stops regularly on our walks to collect bits of dirt and dust or tiny piece of stone and gravel. It can be frustrating for grown up’s but when we appreciate the development that is taking place it is beautiful to just relax and enjoy the moment.

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We are looking forward to lots more family adventures now that our weekends are more free. This weekend we have seen some of Tim’s family and are seeing my sister, Mum and Nan tomorrow, followed by Mother’s Day lunch with my gorgeous girl and lovely man. Can’t get much better than that! I hope everyone has a lovely Mother’s Day!

Good night from Poppy!
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VegFest London 2014

P1040599At the end of September a friend and I went to VegFest in London (with the babies!) It was busier than I expected, which was difficult with the babies, but I am not suprised because the event had a lot to offer. Whether you are interested in vegetarianism, veganism, you are dairy-free or just interested in healthier eating or greener living, it was a great place for information, tasters and discussions. In fact the less you know about veganism the more you will gain from the event! I will definitely go again next year, when I can hopefully leave Poppy behind! Because there were so many talks, demonstrations and workshops we would have loved to stay for, but the babies were getting restless. We managed to pick up loads of leaflets though, all reaffirming my reasons for going (mostly) vegan and motivating me to try harder! As for the dairy debate, all I can say is that I am so glad we no longer consume that junk, and I can’t believe how brain washed people are into believing it is good for them! I will put some links at the end of this post if you want to educate yourself further on this matter.
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For those of you who haven’t got a clue what vegan’s eat then take a look at the photo’s below and know that it is not just slop or lettuce leaves! Granted, the doughnuts are not going to be the healthiest choice, but my point is that you don’t HAVE to be health obsessed to make positive changes to your diet, and you can still have a treat when the mood strikes. On the other hand, healthy choices can be delicious too! We had a wrap filled with all sorts of healthy goodies for lunch. I was completely stuffed and yet could probably have devoured another it was beyond delicious. The choice of food was amazing, from chocolate to cheesecake, burgers to burritos. If you think veganism is restrictive, think again!
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There were also stalls with beauty products, clothing, petitions and more. The children’s area looked like good fun with cooking classes and other activities, and there was a cinema area that was showing informative films. And it wasn’t limited to vegetables! There were also discussions on raw food diets, lots of information about healthy and not so healthy fats, sugar, juicing and even green products such as cloth maternity pads! Overall it was well organised, despite the queue to get in and the broken lift fiasco, and I would have loved to have spent more time there. However, I don’t think I would want to take kids again as it was too busy to focus on everything and them! For the price of the tickets it was well worth a trip, although be warned, you could easily spend a fortune on all the tempting stalls.
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Some of the posters and flyers were eye-opening. I initially chose to cut down on meat for health reasons but I can’t deny that the facts on farming make me feel pretty sick and they do make me think twice if I ever get a meaty craving. It is too easy for us to detach ourselves from the reality, when we buy our meat all neatly packaged up in the supermarket with pictures of happy animals on the front. We are allowing outrageous torture to animals and damaging our environment at the same time. If you do eat meat, at least know exactly where it comes from and how the animals are treated. But even organic doesn’t always mean cruelty free due to the very fact that farming is a business and therefore certain procedures have to take place in order to meet demand, and don’t be fooled by the words ‘free-range’ either.
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There is loads of information out there on the health benefits of vegetarianism, veganism and going dairy-free AND it is better for the environment. It makes me laugh when people think that vegan’s don’t get enough nutrients. Sure, there will be unhealthy vegan’s out there, but if you are following a plant based diet with plenty of variety, some raw foods, good fats and natural sources of protein…you are bound to be getting exactly what you need. People often wonder if Poppy will be bought up as a vegan, as if they are worried that she won’t grow properly or have lifelong problems because I am so irresponsible I am depriving her of protein! But I am not worried in the slightest because I know that everything she needs is available in the fresh, wholesome foods we eat. Most of the information we are given about dietary requirements are inaccurate and even worrying. The popular eat well plate for example has a small section suggesting that we need some foods high in sugar and fats (with photo’s of fizzy drinks and biscuits). No one in the world NEEDS these sorts of processed foods, ESPECIALLY not a baby! Of course you can enjoy them in moderation if you choose, but this information is given out in schools which I find irresponsible and misleading for parents who don’t know any better. I have taken Poppy’s health into my own hands so that I can be absolutely sure she only gets the best.
P1040537 They weren’t as energetic on the journey home!

For more info take a look at the following links:

http://www.viva.org.uk
http://www.milkmyths.org.uk
http://www.vegansociety.com/try-vegan/why-go-vegan
http://www.grownathomewithlove.wordpress.com/tag/food-intolerances/
http://www.peta.org/issues/animals-used-for-food/factory-farming/cows/dairy-industry/
http://www.vegsoc.org/
http://www.govegan.org.uk/
http://www.london.vegfest.co.uk/

Poppy is 1!

A few days late, but here are some photo’s from Poppy’s 1st birthday on Monday. I can’t believe how grown up she is looking! I think it is about time I changed the photo at the top of my blog, and I have the perfect one in mind.

We had a lovely day with Poppy on Monday, although she was very grumpy in the afternoon due to being over tired!  We spent the morning opening cards and a couple of presents (including the chair in the photo’s and the gorgeous koala boots from Nana!), but she is having most of them on Sunday. We went to the cafe for some lunch and Poppy got given a birthday gingerbread man which she demolished! Then in the afternoon we went to the park with Poppy’s friend whilst Daddy was at work. Looking forward to Sunday and plenty more pics to follow! Thank you to everyone who wished her a Happy Birthday! Where has the time gone?

A Year To Celebrate

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Less than one year ago Poppy was thrown into this unfamiliar world, knowing nothing, doing nothing, completely dependant on her parents. And now she is a walking, almost talking, increasingly independent, huge personality with a whole range of feelings and ways of expressing them and an unfathomable amount of knowledge and skills that blow me away every day. How did that happen?

I was thinking about her upcoming birthday and how much she has changed in that first year, how truly amazing she, and every other baby, is! And it occurred to me that we have so much more to celebrate on that special day. Poppy may have had a shock when she came into the world all those months ago, but it wasn’t just her life that changed drastically. And despite how hard everyone said it would be, how many ‘You just wait’ looks I was given, to be honest, I think we have done a bloody amazing job so far.

For starters, Poppy’s birthday will mark a whole year of exclusive breastfeeding, no formula in her entire life so far, which less than 1% of Mum’s in the UK can say. I know this isn’t always possible so I consider myself very lucky to be contributing to that statistic, but despite the fact that she latched on immediately with no trouble, it hasn’t been without its difficulties. It was always so important to me that she was breastfed, I didn’t ever consider another option, but looking back on how much I actually did to make it possible makes me feel quite proud. Poppy spent the second week of her life crying in pain every time she fed and woke from her sleeps screaming and bright red in the face. She struggled to empty her bowels and had a blistered rash on her bottom. I was horrified seeing her like that, but kept being told that it was normal, just colic that would go away eventually. I didn’t buy it and took things into my own hands, researching how my diet could be affecting her through my breast milk. Looking at the common culprits, I decided to start by cutting out dairy, which was incredibly daunting considering I used to have cheese at every opportunity! I looked at the list of names for hidden dairy and read labels vigorously. It seemed I couldn’t eat anything. But I had to try something, and so for the next week or so I literally ate nothing but fruit and veg to be absolutely certain that nothing was contaminated. I felt pretty fed up not being able to eat the proper meals I was used to, but things with Poppy improved quickly which kept me going. I gradually got used to preparing wholesome meals without any dairy at all, using oat milk in our risotto and almond milk for my breakfast, tea and coffee. It was still so alien to me, but after two weeks on this diet Poppy was a new baby. I felt so relieved that I knew what had been causing the pain and angry that none of the professionals would take me seriously. Even after I had seen the amazing results my doctor and health visitor refused to believe it and made me feel pretty inferior to them. Then one day, after I had enjoyed some dairy free dark chocolate, Poppy seemed to react the same way as before. I checked all of the ingredients and Googled some more. Soy. Many babies who are intolerant to dairy are also intolerant to soy. So another thing to look out for, and this one really was in everything I picked up. I was constantly worried about eating out, or grabbing something on the go, I had to read every label meticulously to be sure that I wouldn’t be hurting my precious girl. I felt miserable that so many things seemed to be off limits, and I worried I would never have a social life again! But I still never considered giving up breastfeeding. I carried on, learning new recipes, changing the entire contents of our cupboards, without even questioning it, because it was for Poppy. I did this with little support and whilst juggling a newborn baby, recovering from a traumatic birth and adjusting to all of the other changes in my life. Of course, I may have felt a little sorry for myself, but at the time, in the blur of those early hazy days, I didn’t fully appreciate my own efforts. It was just another thing I had to do, something that perhaps would pass, like the spit up on my shoulder and the middle of the night feeds (little did I know that they weren’t going anywhere fast either). Almost a year later we are still breastfeeding and my diet is radically different. I don’t even have to think about it now, I am simply dairy and soy free, just like I have brown hair, an embarrassing laugh and a weakness for Pimms. It has become a part of me instead of a temporary fix to a problem. I remember wondering if I would continue to breastfeed for as long as I wanted because of this, but that no longer crosses my mind. For starters I have discovered that dairy seems to have been the main cause of my eczema, and I feel better in many other ways as a result of my new diet. It is difficult at times, going to social occasions, being tempted by my old favourites when we go out for dinner, but I can count on one hand the amount of times I have knowingly slipped up (and Poppy still reacts when I do). I never had that sort of will power on any diet I have ever been on! I have to refuse chocolates and cakes that are offered around without a second thought, pass on a lovely cup of hot tea when there is no alternative milk available, watch everyone else scoffing my favourite foods without making a fuss, accepting the fact that it is my responsibility to avoid temptation rather than expecting people to accommodate for me. It has become second nature and with our breastfeeding journey going beautifully I don’t plan to give up until Poppy is ready, which judging from the earlier statistic, is (sadly) not all that common. Now I know this may not be worthy of front-page news, but I am allowed to brag every once in a while.

There are other reasons why I feel this has been such an achievement. Having always struggled with accepting my body and eating healthily, knowing that I was nourishing Poppy forced me to take better care of myself. Since those first small changes I have learnt so much more, incorporating so many fresh and wholesome foods into my diet, trying new things all the time, constantly learning more about nutrition and ditching the junk almost completely. More importantly ditching the fasts and yoyo diet cycles completely. I am finally respecting my body which deserves to be as healthy as can be, because I have realised it is actually pretty incredible, to have grown and nourished a strong human being all by itself. Funnily enough I now, without even trying, weigh less than I did when I was practically starving myself, but I am happier than I have ever been regardless of what the scales say. I believe food is the most important thing to get right in your life, and I am proud that I have turned my relationship with food around completely. I am also proud that I can offer Poppy the best start and hopefully teach her about healthy choices throughout her life too. 

So I guess my next achievement links in with that perfectly. This last year has made me more confident in myself than ever before. My post baby body and new inner peace is just the beginning! There are so many choices to make, small and big, when you have a child, suddenly you have to be sure of yourself, otherwise you might cave under all the pressure. I have always been headstrong to an extent, but vulnerable and my confidence was easily knocked, over the smallest of things. But starting when I was pregnant, I had someone else to make decisions for, and I started to believe in myself more for the sake of that unborn baby girl. I refused induction when the doctors were making me feel like I was wrong. I knew deep down everything was OK, and I was right. Every other decision after that made me more and more sure that I would do things my way. People who scoffed at the fact that we co-slept, or wore Poppy in a sling for the majority of her newborn life; they didn’t make me question my choices one little bit. Suddenly I didn’t care what other people thought of me, because it wasn’t them who would be affected by my decisions, it was Poppy. Initially I had been worried about postnatal depression, having gone through depression and anxiety many times before. But previous bouts of depression left me feeling worthless, unmotivated and with no sense of purpose. I remember thinking, even during Poppy’s 4 hour crying fits, I had never felt more worthy, important, purposeful or in control of my own emotions in my whole life! There were hard times but I just felt like finally I had found what I was meant to be, I had so much to be happy for and someone else to be strong for and nothing would bring me down. Not that I am claiming to be a better mum than the next, or better able to cope with the hard times; in fact accepting that I cannot be perfect and that is still good enough, was a huge realisation and perhaps part of the reason I did remain so positive. When I see Poppy smile at me every day I feel as wonderful as she thinks I am.

As well as these personal achievements I will be celebrating the more simple things that have happened in the past year. We have moved to a fantastic place, made fantastic friends and we have shared so many good times as a family. Tim has come so far in his career, and I am so proud of him. I have thrown myself into a new life here, juggled a baby and a diploma, which is going pretty darn well, as well as keeping the dog alive and the house tidy (ish). So I hope you don’t mind the very personal (and slightly long) post, but I wanted to share with you all of those positive things that explain why Poppy’s very first birthday means so much to me. People warned me that having a baby would change my life, and it has…entirely for the better.

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What are you proud of since becoming a parent?

Poppy at 10 (and a half!) months

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We were over due a Poppy post!

Time is going quickly, I can’t believe I am organising her 1st birthday party! She is as active, cheeky and lovely as ever and is behaving more like a child and less like a baby every day!!

Movement:

She has taken her first steps as most of you will know! She is still mostly crawling though, it is still quicker (places to go, people to see!) Yesterday I put her in her padders and she actually seemed to want to walk a lot more! So I am going to try this more often. Chek out the videos below. She has done a lot more steps but it was hard to catch on video because of our small house and the fact that if she gets to the stairs she climbs up them and if she gets to the little step she stops walking, so it doesn’t leave much space for her to show off her skills!

In other movement news – she loves dancing! Beyonce in the making with her bum jiggling as soon as we start singing a tune. Too cute!

First steps videos:

Eating:

No massive change here really, she still hasn’t reduced her milk feeds so isn’t eating much. She loves chickpeas though! She seems to like full meals with lots of flvour rather than finger foods which end up on the floor. She enjoys my chickpea tagine and vegetable korma, but she never seems bothered about breakfast or lunch partiularly. Apart from watermelon. I give her a lot of this because she loves it so much, and so do we in this hot weather!

Sleeping:

True to form Poppy has been keeping us on our toes on the sleeping front. Things got H.A.R.D for a few weeks but seem to have settled again…a little…kind of. She isn’t waking quite as much through the night, although that always varies, but she is going to bed easier, thank goodness! This seems to be because she has been skipping her afternoon nap a lot more though, which I am not entirely sure she is ready to do. Her morning nap is still pretty early, so she ends up being awake for a long chunk of time, and can get really tired at around 4 (at which point I would dance around the room and clap my hands like a seal on crack if it means keeping her awake, I know other parents will understand this). So I was reading up on when they drop to one nap and signs that they are ready, and after feeling hopeful that this new routine might solve our bedtime battle, I was left a bit disappointed! It seems that often babies appear to be ready to drop a nap but then once they start really walking around and using so much more energy again, they become over tired, so the advice seemed to be to hang on to that nap if you can to avoid problems a few weeks down the line. Elizabeth Pantley seems to think that babies still have a biological need for two naps and each one benefits them in different ways. I am just planning on taking each day as it comes, maybe she will be the exception to the rule, and I am loving these early bedtimes giving me my evenings back! I just hope it doesn’t spell disaster fo the future…

Play:

I have become rather interested in play and how important it is to child development. So I got a bit unecessarily excited when I noticed Poppy has entered the next stage of play, where she is transferring objects from one recceptacle to another. Fast forward a few days and she is seeking out anything that has space to fit something else inside…I mean like a bottle top which she put one of her bus people in and an egg cup which she discovered she could fit her little ball neatly inside. It is amazing to see how concentrated she is when she has her mind set on something!

Teeth:

2 bottom, 2 top with more top ones on the way. She makes a great angry noise when she is in pain, you can tell it is her teeth because she clenches her jaw together so tightly. Overall it has been pretty plain sailing, touch wood.

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Communication:

Poppy is showing her understanding more and more, which amazes me and makes me appreciate that babies know so much more than we realise! She knows the sign for bath and milk, although sometimes her versions of these look similar…and they also look a little bit like her wave. But I know what she means at least! As soon as I say bath she does the splashy sign and laughs. It is great because I know I can tell her what we are going to do so that she expects it. She never likes a middle of the day bath (sometimes necessary with baby led weaning) so at least I can give her the heads up. The milk sign she doesn’t tend to use when she actually wants milk, maybe because she doesn’t really have to, I can tell when she wants feeding and she gets it pretty quickly. But she does use it if I ask her if she wants milk, or sometimes during her feed.

She is saying a few ‘words’ that myself and Daddy understand. Da is dog, said with much more emphasis on the ‘a’ than in Dada…so it sounds like D-AH! And she nods her head firmly each time she says it. She also says ‘Hiya’ in her own way and I am sure yesterday she repeated ‘Go’ when we were reading a book.

So that’s about alll I can think of right now! We have lots of fun times ahead, including a family festival which I am just beyond excited about, as there will be loads of things for Poppy to do and she loves being amongst nature. I see it as an absolute necessity considering we don’t have a garden, and am planning on going to plenty more next summer!
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Routines and responding respectfully

For those of you who missed my recent post, we decided that it was time to make a few changes to our night time parenting in order to ease the pressure on myself. Poppy is essentially being taught to self settle. It is tiring, but it is a gentle approach designed to respect Poppy, it is not a quick fix. We had a couple of wobbly nights but things are back on track. I said I would post about exactly what we have done to change Poppy’s sleeping habits so here goes (the “sleep training” element is at the end):

Routine: WP_20140604_023I know it is the oldest trick in the book, and considering the number of books I scanned through during pregnancy I really should have been a bit stricter with this one. I am talking about the bedtime routine; bath, massage, book, breastfeed, bed. We started off well, but gradually we dropped one thing at a time until it was just bath and feed to sleep. No wonder she was still pretty wired and wouldn’t instantly go to sleep! No more skipping steps. It has been amazing how quickly this took effect, and even when she still seems wide awake during the story, as soon as she is in my arms feeding she starts dropping off. Sometimes it takes longer than others, but she isn’t getting that second wind just as I think she is falling asleep, which seemed to be happening so often before.

Black out blinds: I told myself this was the reason for her difficulty in realising it was bedtime, and maybe it played a part, but I think the routine was more important. The blinds have helped, but they don’t quite cover our windows!! Even so, there is enough of a transition from lights on to lights off that helps reinforce that routine.

Introducing a lovely: Poppy now sleeps with the same teddy (cat actually) every night. I put it in her arms as she feeds, and she has started to grasp it, so I think it is working. The cat is currently nameless – ideas on a postcard please!

Moving her into her own room: This was the saddest change, as it came way before I thought it would. But realistically I knew that I was unlikely to make the other changes, like reducing her feeds, without it. We wanted her to learn to settle with Tim, and eventually alone, but when she is at arms length and we are half asleep I act on auto pilot. Tim wouldn’t have had the chance to even try to settle her, he probably would never have woken up at all. Amazingly she didn’t seem to protest to the move, I think she realised very quickly that we were still there for her, all she needed to do was ask.

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Cutting down the feeds: This was my main aim of the transition. I didn’t make a plan, not really. I told myself I would see how she reacted if I just didn’t feed her, and to my surprise it was really not that bad. She grizzled a little but then dropped back off. So I tried to resist a few times. I realised her cry was different when she was really hungry…more about that in a minute. I found she needed a feed at around 3am every morning, sometimes earlier, sometimes later, I am still being led by her in that regard. At the moment we are down to a feed to sleep at 6pm, a top up ‘dream feed’ before I go to bed (although I am sure she wakes up for this) and then the 3am fed.

Listening to the cry NOT cry it out!: You know that study about how stress hormones wash over a crying baby’s brain? The one that makes us AP mums feel guilty every time we hear our pumpkins sob? Well did you know that when they are being held or even if they are next to you that the stress hormones could be almost non existent? Just being there through the tears makes your baby feel safe and by the end of that crying session they could have even learned a thing or two; that they are able to regulate their emotions and that their feelings valid because you stuck around and showed them love when they felt sad. That is very different to leaving them to cry themselves to exhaustion on their own and eventually give up on anyone coming to them. We knew that Poppy would cry to start with. She had no idea why she was suddenly not getting what she had been used to for 8 months! But I honestly thought it would be much worse than it was. We agreed to be with her when she cried and try to comfort her but not desperately try to fix it immediately. First we would listen to the type of cry and ask ourselves what Poppy really needs. Just like other stages in development learning to fall asleep on your own can be frustrating, and we would be there to support her through that. If this was the sort of emotion she was expressing, what does feeding really do? I am all for comfort feeding, but I can’t do it whenever Poppy faces something challenging or when things don’t go quite the way she had planned or hoped. We quickly learnt the difference between her cries and when it was frustration we lay with her, stroke her head and talk to her calmly and lovingly. She falls asleep within minutes. And if she doesn’t, we know that she really needs me instead of Tim or she needs a feed. If it is getting towards 3am and her cry is intense and builds I feed her straight away, and some nights she does still refuse to settle without feeding, but those nights have been few and far between. She is sometimes able to fall back to sleep during the night with no more than a quick rub on the back to know we are there, or even a ‘shh’ at the door. There are still times when she needs more and we are with her for 20 minutes or so, but the point is we know that she can do it. She is only waking once or twice, tops before her early morning feed, which is an improvement, and Tim is able to share the responsibility. I think this is good for their bond as well, although not so good for the dark circles under Tim’s eyes!

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There have been a few downsides to this change. The biggest being that for some reason she is waking up earlier, 5am most days, and I don’t really know why. I have even tried to feed her back to sleep despite my better judgement in a desperate plea for a lie in, but she enjoys the feed and then wakes up anyway! It means we have all started napping at about 7.30am, which is a nice way to make up for the lack of cosleeping. I am also finding it harder to switch off knowing that I might have to get up at any moment to go into her room. But it is getting easier to relax as time goes on. We are quite tired from going back and forth to her room, but it has lessened. Even if things stay as they are for the time being, it means I have my evenings without interruption, the nights are becoming more predictable, I probably have longer chunks of sleep even if the waking up is more effort, and Poppy has come a long way which is great. I have loose aims of what will happen as we go forward, but I am not going to put any pressure on Poppy or get my hopes up too much. I might try this weekend to drop the dream feed before my bedtime, because I don’t really know how long she would go into the night if I didn’t give it her. If it turns out she doesn’t really need it then that would be ideal because it would free up my entire evenings! (oops I said I wasn’t going to get my hopes up!) If that doesn’t work and she wakes up at midnight each night, hungry, then I will revert back to the original plan and perhaps aim to gradually push the 3am feed later and later, until she is going through from our bedtime until her ridiculously early waking up time. That sounds wonderful! Of course the biggest bonus would be if she decides that other than the hungry feeds, she doesn’t need us at all to help her settle, and we could go to sleep every night knowing that we will get ‘x’ amount of hours In before she wakes. But that sounds far too structured for otherwise chaotic lives, and I am sure those babies don’t really exist.

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The best thing since sliced bread!

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Recipe wanted for rye bread like this that is simple and healthy!

Poppy has gone from swallowing barely anything to an eating machine overnight! Ok that is a huge exaggeration, but it feels that way!

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We went shopping yesterday and I decided to try her on a couple of new things, and they have gone down a storm! The first was Biona organic rye bread. It is really dense so easier for her to hold than bread and probably a better texture for her to manage than toast. I spread avocado on it for her breakfast and she ate two whole squares! She also munched on a couple of strawberries.

This afternoon I gave her some Kallo organic rice cake with a teeny bit of peanut butter on top. She demolished it! I mean she ate half of a big rice cake, which is huge for her! She crammed way too much in her mouth which made me slightly nervous but she managed to figure it out herself. She also had a couple of bits of tomato which got squished and some melon which she liked gnawing on but nothing went down.

This evening she had some red pepper which wasn’t successful and some orange which she just loves to suck the juice out of. And a few organic alphabet biscuits we had leftover from the cafe. I don’t want to give her too much packaged food, even organic, but she absolutely loves these and puts the whole thing in her mouth then lets it go soggy. She at about 5 of them, again, loads compared to usual. She definitely prefers things that don’t squish in her hand but do squish in her mouth! Which is annoying because I guess she won’t be getting much fruit and veg for a while. But I will keep trying! She must have been pretty full after all of that…and she hasn’t woken up yet after going to bed at 6….wishful thinking?!

One step forward, two steps back

Following on from my last post about our new sleeping arrangement I am calling out to anyone who has tried anything similar. For advice, reassurance, wisdom…As I said before Poppy was settling herself to sleep without feeding fairly often in her new room. During the evenings I simply had to go in and put my hand on her back and give her a little shh and she was back to sleep. Leading up to her middle of the night feed she was a little harder to settle and she always cried more if Tim was settling her, but it was a frustration cry and she went back to sleep without my heart breaking.

The night I published that post everything changed! Tim just couldn’t settle her. She cried but it got more and more intense until I went in and she started to settle again. One time she had got herself too worked up and needed the boob to relax again. I ended up waking up at 3.30am that morning, listening to her cry as Tim attempted to get her back to sleep (I had aimed for no feeds before 4am as she had a late one at 11.30pm) He eventually succeeded only to hear her wake again 15 minutes later. This time she didn’t accept him and I had to step in. She woke up fully and started smiling at me and stroking my face (“Aww how cute!” you say…not at this time in the morning!) There was no convincing her it was the middle of the night so I tried to feed her into drowsiness again. Long story short I got her back to sleep at 5.30am and fed her more than planned, and by the time she was asleep I was too wired myself to go back to bed. So yesterday I was a zombie. Last night I had to decide what to do, seeing as she refused Tim again twice in the evening and I ended up feeding her at 9pm. With Tim away all weekend I needed sleep so I pondered weather sleeping in her room would be enough to give her the comfort each time she woke and stop her getting herself worked up to the point that she needed to comfort feed. After all I knew she could fall asleep without the feeds, but she still needed a little support. I gave it a go, and our night was even worse. I was so tired when she woke up I could hardly be bothered to try (hence why I moved her out of our bed in the first place!), and her cry just didn’t sound like that frustrated cry, it sounded more distressed, and I cannot listen to that for too long without feeling like the worst mum ever. Coupled with the fact that she was putting her hands down my top I felt like I was completely suppressing my natural response and not listening to her. So I gave in, multiple times, and fed her throughout the night. I convinced myself that she must just be hungry, but her fluttery, lazy sucks proved otherwise! She decided it was time to get up at 5am, and as well as that her morning nap is all out of sync for the second day in a row. Back to square one?

Feeling confused, annoyed, disheartened and guilty. Go with the flow and hope she decides to play ball again sometime soon? Or push on through the heartache knowing that at least I am there with her as she cries? But what if she just doesn’t stop?! Is this her way of telling me “Yes I figured out your plan, and I gave it a go, but I don’t like it so you had better stop right now because I’m not having any of it!” I have had enough of thinking about who needs what…I have no idea what I need anymore, apart from a strong coffee.

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(Less Than) Perfect Parenting

When I was pregnant I started reading about attachment parenting and it resembled what we would have done naturally anyway. It opened up a new community to me and got me thinking about other things, such as elimination communication and home ed, which I may not have considered without the Facebook groups, blogs and small collection of AP books on my bookshelf. It made me think about more general aspects of parenting, such as the way in which you speak to your children, and how you choose to deal with specific situations, and I believe the new perspectives I have gained will benefit Poppy for her entire life. For that I am grateful for the books and the groups, but there is an element of this community that needs addressing.

Mother’s who choose to parent this way are often mother’s who have very high expectations of themselves. From socialising with many like-minded Mum’s I have noticed a few things. We over think everything, believing that all of our choices will have a life long impact on our children. We are labelled as ‘alternative’ (or other more amusing names like ‘crunchy’) and so begin to label ourselves. By doing this we inadvertently label others, which is something I never wanted to do. At first I felt like mainstream parents were judgemental of my choices, but I am starting to feel that the alternative community do most of the judging. By believing so strongly in doing everything for the best of the child, it is too easy to believe that any other way is wrong, or worse still, damaging for the child. To make sure you don’t get it wrong you seek information about every aspect of parenting from those very books that made it all sound so blissful and simple (despite the fact that at the very core of natural parenting is trust in your instinct). I have lost count of the amount of times I have read that a baby cry’s because they have an unmet need. So what if your baby just cries and you have done everything you possibly can?

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When Poppy was a newborn and suffering from her dairy intolerance, I did not know at first why she was crying. Yes she had an unmet need of sorts because she needed me to adjust my diet, but it was not something that could be solved instantly. She was fed, changed, warm, well rested, secure and in my arms, but she could not always be soothed. I had to relax and just make it easier for her by holding her, but in that moment I couldn’t make it stop. Similarly when Poppy became over tired she could not shut down, she seemed to fight her sleep to the point that she was so over tired she would scream for 4 hours until she finally gave in and fell asleep from exhaustion. There was nothing else I could have done, that was part of who she is; she was fascinated by the world and didn’t want to miss a thing, and at times even half an hour of being awake was too stimulating for her. In those early days everything that I had read rushed around my head; I didn’t think babies would cry if they had everything they needed? They don’t cry in Africa! What was I doing wrong? I tried everything to stop her from becoming over tired in the first place, abandoning my social life completely, but we still had episodes. All I could do was be there with her through the tears, letting her know she wasn’t on her own and that she was loved. There was nothing in the books that made me feel I was still doing a good job. The way I read it was that AP parenting should mean the baby has no reason to cry at all after you have responded to their needs. Maybe I over exaggerated that expectation, but being the stereotypical alternative mama I am sure I’m not the first.

Poppy settled soon enough, and now at 8 months old she is pretty easy going. She can still be distracted, but the majority of the time getting her to sleep has become easy, and we never have prolonged crying fits anymore for any reason. I am happy with all of our choices; I have completely and utterly devoted myself to her. It has worked very well for us, it has actually made life really easy, and I believe we have a very securely attached, happy little girl. But about two weeks ago I suddenly felt a page was turned. Poppy is no longer a newborn whose wants are the same as her needs, I believe they are starting to blur and she is gaining more and more understanding. There are certain things that she could probably learn not to need anymore, even if she does still want them. With our busy lives my constant devotion to her was starting to feel less natural and more forced. With Tim working longer hours I had no time left for me, and as a result I wasn’t being as good a parent as I can be. I never want to resent my child, so it was time to make some changes.

I need a bit of the old me back, and for those of you who know me well you will know that I need to really let my hair down from time to time. Rather difficult when your baby feeds to sleep, wakes up 3-4 times before you even make it to bed and then feeds throughout the night. And will not, ever, be comforted by Daddy in the night. So am I suddenly a bad mum for considering forcing my baby to change these expectations that we created just so that I can have a night out? I scanned a few forums and was guilt ridden to read that no one else would consider leaving their cosleeping, breastfeeding 8 month old baby for one night and their comments reminded me that her needs had to come before mine. But what if by compromising your own needs your child’s need for a happy and healthy mother is not being met? That was a more important long-term need in my mind.

In my confused state of mind I even typed the following into google: “Sleep training with attachment parenting.” I found blogs written by people in my position. I also found more hating from the AP extremists. I felt like there was no middle ground; you either leave your child to cry it out, which I never wanted to do, or give up your whole life for them. And then I came across something called RIE parenting which encourages listening to the type of crying and not immediately trying to fix it when it could simply be an expression of emotions. You can read more about this here and here. Suddenly something clicked. I have always known it and told Tim numerous times; there is a big difference between leaving a baby to cry on their own and letting them cry in your arms. Just like when Poppy was a newborn and I had no choice. This changed my whole perception of so called sleep training or simply teaching your baby to fall asleep alone, and I became more open minded to the gentle approaches. I will write another post about exactly what we have done and why I am happy with it soon.

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It has been just over a week since Poppy moved into her own room. I would have happily carried on cosleeping but wanted to drop the constant feeding, and I didn’t think that was easily achievable if she was in our bed. I miss the cuddles with her but am thrilled that she is now self-soothing and accepting Tim as a comfort during the night at times. She is still feeding to sleep in the evening, having a feed before I go to bed and one during the early morning, but that is massive progress. And she I not being traumatised, she has never been left on her own to cry, not even for a minute, and if she had protested too much I wouldn’t have continued.

We are still very much following a natural parenting style, but it is what is natural to us right now, not necessarily to every other AP advocate I will meet. Nor have I been converted to RIE or (heaven forbid) to baby training methods! We are simply finding what works and evolving as Poppy grows up. And I am doing my best, whilst realising I can’t be perfect. If you are a confused mama who has a tendency to put yourself under so much pressure to do the right thing, remember that there are no rules. You can, and should, allow yourself to compromise on your beliefs at times for the sake of your own sanity (even if some AP devotee on some forum somewhere has raised 6 kids back to back and tells you otherwise.)

I admit that right now I am more exhausted than I was before because this is requiring some effort! But I know that we are heading in the right direction, and I have booked a celebratory night out later in June, guilt free, knowing that Poppy will be happy in her Daddy’s arms.

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Sunshine, socialising and selfies

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We have had a lovely weekend in the sun. Saturday we went to Milton Keynes and I met up with my good friend, Beth, who has just got home from traveling. It was great to see her and tuck into a vegetarian breakfast at Giraffe!

At home we played in the garden, enjoying the sunshine and taking a few family selfies!

Yesterday Dan and Charlotte came to visit which was lovely. The weather was on our side again, so after lunch in the garden we went to the bluebell woods in Ashridge for a walk. We almost didn’t make it though as we managed to get the car stuck, on dry land! It was rather embarrassing, especially as I was in the drivers seat, but under strict instructions to “Just keep going!” from Tim. I quickly got out with Poppy and fled the scene, leaving Tim and Dan looking less manly than they probably hoped as they got saved by a couple more experienced men! It gave us a good giggle anyway.

The walk was gorgeous, I loved discussing weddings with Charlotte, and we had a slice of cake midway to recoup – does a weekend go by that doesn’t involve cake?!

Unfortunately Tim has had to go in to work today, so not quite the long weekend I was hoping for. But Poppy is such good company at the moment, chattering away and laughing with me! She seems to have eaten quite a lot today, I don’t know if it is a one off, but maybe she is more ready for food now? She has had toast dipped in soup and managed to soak up all of the soup that was in her bowl! She ate homemade homous straight off the spoon! And she really enjoyed mango. Poppy also seems to understand the word ‘Mama’ and starts saying it if Tim carries her away from me, with her arms outstretched towards me! I am sure ‘Dada’ won’t be long! She is still pulling herself up constantly, I honestly can’t keep up with her energy!

Anyway here is our weekend in pictures! (click for slideshow)

I hope your weekend was wonderful ❤